Waiting on the Glenn

*For anyone who needs a recap, our little Sunley Summit has Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome (HRHS). Specifically, she has Double Inlet Left Ventricle (DILV) with an extremely small (almost non-existent) right ventricle and large VSD. Both the Aorta and the Pulmonary Artery are well developed and going into the left ventricle (as far as we can tell right now).  We are getting care at Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston, TX, whose heart center is ranked number one in the nation. There is no real cure for Sunley’s condition, so on June 11, 2018 she had a  PA Banding surgery, and will later receive a Glenn, and Fontan (a total of 3 heart surgeries). Our hope is that these surgeries will work well enough to avoid a heart transplant and she will lead a long, full life with only those 3 surgeries. Sunley spent her first 6 days in the NICU, went home for a while, and then spent 26 days in the hospital after her first surgery at 6 weeks old. She had a one week hospitalization for dehydration at 4 months old, then went home for a month. At 5 months old she was hospitalized for low saturations for 5 days, and underwent what I’ve officially termed a “doing-something cath” (atrial septostomy). Right now, we are waiting on her Glenn, which is scheduled for November 6th (that date is not set in stone).

It’s been an uneventful couple of weeks, and I love the word “uneventful.” We check Sunley’s saturations daily now, and they are consistently in the 80s. Praise God! I’m so happy to see those numbers. I’m really hoping we will continue with high 80s saturations after the Glenn. I’ve been wanting to post a video explaining in detail what we’ll be doing in her surgery, but have been waiting on our consultation, which has finally been scheduled for this Thursday. So, I’ll post a video soon!

We were told after our last ER visit to really try and make sure Sunley isn’t exposed to too many germs between now and her surgery (scheduled for November 6th), because even a runny nose could postpone her surgery. I call this “newborn restrictions,” so we aren’t letting anyone hold her, I’m not taking her out much at all except for church, and we decided not to have our big kids come visit (since they both have congestion right now). That was a really difficult decision, and I’m getting really sick of not parenting my kids. Don’t get me wrong, the clean house and napping opportunities are fantastic! It’s getting to the point now though where I can barely get through the day without crying, and I just really need to see them. I went back and forth on whether or not to go to Midland — I’m worried that seeing me will just upset them — but ultimately, I’ve decided to fly in on Friday and leave Sunday, and I CAN’T WAIT!! Sunley will stay here with Derek and a freezer full of breastmilk. I’m really hoping for no more unexpected ER trips, especially while I’m gone. Another concern is, of course, the germs from the airport, so I plan on being the germaphobe on the plane, complete with Clorox wipes.

It was really hard to decide to go to Midland, because I really REALLY don’t want to be there without Sunley. I am desperate to see my kids, but I thought the first time I’d be back would be with my whole family, and doing it by myself and without Sunley is just not what I had pictured. I have missed our church family in Midland SO much, and I can’t wait to see everyone and worship together — but be warned, I’ll be an EMOTIONAL WRECK without my 2 missing pieces! Overall, I just don’t really feel ready to be back in Midland, but this trip isn’t really about Midland; it’s about hugging my bigs. I don’t want to see any part of my “before” life, and I really REALLY don’t want to see my house. I am incredibly homesick for our house. I haven’t lived in it since February 14th of this year, and probably never will again, and I think I really resent the fact that we had to leave when I had just finished drawing the plans for our add-on. I was so looking forward to building the spaces in which my kids would grow up. I was so ready to settle in and plant roots, and we had to just completely let go of that dream so suddenly. I am incredibly grateful that we were able to rent it out, and that money has been such a huge blessing. Still, I miss my funky house, and my lime green front door. For a while here, every once in a while I would grab a shirt to wear and would notice that it still had my house smell (all my prematernity clothes had been stashed in bags for a while), but I’m finally out of those clothes. It’s weird the things that your mind remembers. For some reason, the thing I picture the most is the way my front door handle felt opening my door — How weird is that? My big 2 kids happened to take their first steps in the exact same spot in the living room and I picture that a lot. And I have a vivid memory of painting Hadelyn’s bedroom with my mom when we first moved in. And looots of memories of putting my kiddos to bed — I think about that every night (probably because who DOESN’T love the kids GOING TO BED).

We own a couple rental properties in Oklahoma, and it’s funny to me that right now we have 3 houses and one apartment, but no home. When we get back to Midland, the plan is to live in my parents’ empty rental property while we look for a new home and a fresh start. We finally decided to just keep our house as a rental property instead of adding on to it. I completely agree that this is the right thing for us to do, but I think I’ll always be a little sad about having to leave our first house the way that we did. I’m completely aware this is a classic “first world problem,” but that doesn’t make the homesickness go away. I’m choosing to just focus on loving on my babies instead of being sad or overwhelmed with all the feelings…Maybe if I ignore them they’ll just go away? The feelings, not the babies. Ignoring babies just makes them more tyrranical. I’m usually more upbeat about this whole thing, but I think a family can only take this kind of separation for so long, and I’m about done with the whole thing.

I’m actually not feeling too worried about leaving Sunley, even though I’ve never been more than 10 minutes away from her. I’m worried that her heart will decide on another ER trip while I’m gone, (PLEASE NO) but I can grab a flight and get here relatively quickly if that happens (although I’d be a wreck if it does). Derek can definitely handle her for a few days, and the freezer is stockpiled with milk. I even have some bottles from Oliver’s stash, thanks to his generous mommy — Gotta love milk-sharing! 

On a happy note, we took Sunley to the beach for the first time!! It’s just 40 minutes from our apartment and we went on the most perfect, sunny day :) We are being super germ-conscious right now, so we only stayed for a little bit and didn’t put her in the water, but it was so wonderful and MUCH needed for me. I’ve always said that I think God threw in a little bit of sand and salt water when he created the recipe for my soul, because the beach (ANY beach) is where I feel the most peaceful.

I forgot to mention that we have Sunley down to just ONE medication now! We took her off of Zantac (for reflux) so now she only takes Enalapril twice a day (not for blood pressure) to help her ventricle fully relax in between squeezes. We LOVE only having to remember one med, and she is so good at taking it. In fact, she is the most well-tempered baby! Sunley is all smiles all the time, and rarely cries without good reason. She is SO close to crawling, too! Her 6 month developmental evaluation is coming up on the 25th, but I can already tell you that she’s got no delays (mom-brag), which is such a relief! I really think that’s a result of those first 6 weeks prior to her PA Banding surgery. If you’ll remember, she was supposed to have surgery at 1 week old, and instead got to come home and be a normal baby after just a week in NICU4, and stayed home for 5 weeks! I really think it laid a good foundation, even with 6 weeks of sternal precautions afterwards. Sunley has been in the hospital 4 times, but in between all of those visits has had a very “normal” at-home baby life. She’s also been the center of attention with the bigs gone so much (pros/cons).

Our leftie bestie is set to have surgery this coming week, so be keeping him and his family in your prayers! We’re all hoping the Glenn will give both of these kids better and hardier physiologies to handle baby/toddler life (and its many germs). In our case, we are mainly hoping for stable function and high sats to help Sunley Summit get some good (preferably several) years in before the Fontan.